


Courage

by raktajinos



Series: The Duchess and Her Teas [2]
Category: Alice (2009)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Literary References & Allusions, POV Female Character, Romance, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-09 23:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duchess uses her last vial of 'courage' tea for a very difficult conversation with Jack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalisgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalisgirl/gifts).



> So I wasn't sure how to gift this one exactly as its going to be a series. There's a prelude, (here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/779335) which should be read first before reading this. And I will be adding to this series over the next few weeks with the other tea flavours. 
> 
> I loved writing this. I was originally just going to do this one-shot, but then I decided it would work as an excellent series so I'm going to go with that. Doing this reminded me of how much I love Duchess. But I really hope you enjoy it :) Happy Rare Women Fest!

Duchess lightly touched the ornate box, her fingers following the engravings on the lid. The box matched the décor of her rooms; ornate and lush, with gold and white as a colour scheme. It was a room fit for a Queen. The box’s obvious grandeur allowed it to hide in plain sight, looking like nothing more than a jewellery box. A simpler, more humble box would have stood out in its unremarkability, risking the exposure of her secret. 

She popped open the simple latch and gazed over the tiny bottles held within. Five vials, each containing a different coloured liquid, a different emotion, enough for one dose. Her hand reached for the dark amber coloured vial, _courage_ , and pulled it out of its soft velvet casing. 

Uncorking the stopper, she paused debating whether she really wanted to do this. It had been one month since Jack overthrew his mother, one month since she’d had her last drop of tea. It had been excruciating, the withdrawal symptoms and the physical dependency that her body had developed. It had gotten easier as the weeks went on and she debating now whether taking this tea would undo any work she’d put in. 

She went back and forth on her decision for a few minutes before finally deciding to take the tea. Steeling herself, she threw back the amber liquid down her throat, feeling the bolt of courage tingle down her throat and through her spine. Invigorated, she braced herself for the task ahead. 

*****

As Duchess stood outside Jack’s chamber doors, she felt the concealed wisps of nervousness in her stomach. The courage tea worked in an interesting way though. It did not take away your fears or make you reckless; it simply made you bolder, more assured of what you wanted; it gave you a bit of extra ‘backbone’.

Even with the tea, she still felt weak and afraid; her nerves almost getting the better of her. She wished the teas worked in an accumulated way, but they did not: one dose had the exact same effect as seven doses. One wasn’t ‘braver’ if they drank a whole pot. 

Duchess straightened her spine and held her head up high, nodding as she past the outer security door. Jack’s chambers officially started here, but it served as an antechamber, allowing the Hearts security to control who came in and out, to prevent any unwelcome guests or assassins. She was able to pass freely between this level, as she came and went from Jack’s suite on a daily basis, frequently for business reasons as his chambers served as private meeting rooms…..but also for more personal reasons. The guards did not blink at her comings and goings. 

It had been fourteen months since the Revolution, since _her_. Duchess had proved herself to be a trustworthy ally and a formidable presence in court issues. She had worked hard to earn the trust of ~~their~~ his people and she had even gained some significant popularity. She helped draft policy, ruled on issues pertaining to their people, and went travelling through the kingdom as a representative of Jack’s reign. 

She was Acting Queen in everything but name. The whispers that followed her about her position had only been getting louder, the people getting tired of not having a Queen. And she was tired as well. Tired of her lack of title, of her lack of power and tired of this constant back-and-forth between her and Jack. 

He’d come to her the first time just a few days after his mother’s imprisonment. Emotionally broken and confused, they spent the night together, both of them worried for their futures. On her part, Duchess was happy to be with him, she’d always desired him and had fallen in love with him years ago. But he’d all but ignored her after that night, focusing on his kingdom. 

She’d been content to follow his lead. It bothered her a bit, his disregard for her feelings, but she’d been so focused on her tea-withdrawal that she did not press the issue. And she felt indebted to him, indebted that he did not imprison her alongside his mother, that he was willing to entrust her with important issues of state and publicly recognize her as an ally of Wonderland. So she did not press him on their _relationship_.

It would be another seven months before their relationship changed again, this time it was her who took the first step. It had started casually enough, they’d been walking through the gardens (recently landscaped) discussing the news of the kingdom, when she’d leaned in and kissed him. It wasn’t the friendly-could-be-read-as-platonic kiss on the cheek type of kiss, it was clearly a lovers kiss. 

She could so vividly remember it, the contentment she had seen on his face, the casual ease with which he walked the gardens with her. It was a Jack she hadn’t seen since they were children; back before he had hardened to court life and learned to wear a mask…back before they both did. She felt love in that moment; she’d forgotten how they used to be together and how much she genuinely felt for him. 

He returned the kiss and it started their on-again-off-again relationship they currently found themselves in. They never spoke about it and they never defined whatever it was they were to each other. They just fell into this easy give-and-take relationship. 

Duchess found that Jack liked to discuss political and social issues in bed; things leftover from the day (or upcoming later in the day) that he hadn’t decided his mind about. Difficult issues such as the violent uprising in the Hat district or silly things like the debate over carpet fabrics that some of the Clubs were having. 

She enjoyed listening, being able to help him in some small way. She also felt honoured that he trusted her that much to be such a confident; she was an active participant in the daily court proceedings of course, but this was a horse of a different colour. 

Never one to stay silent, Duchess was always free with her opinions – challenging Jack whenever she disagreed with him or had another option. It had gotten them into a number of passionate debates and flat-out arguments and Duchess had discovered that an impassioned debate about agriculture could be just as erotic as a sexy outfit. 

And so it was after months of this that Duchess was frustrated and confused. She loved Jack, of that she was sure of. An honest, emotions-not-hampered-by-teas love. But she needed some clarity…or closure. 

She knocked loudly, the ancient wood reverberating under her knuckles. 

“Come in” she heard from within the chambers. She didn’t usually need to wait for permission to enter. In the past she had always simply been allowed to enter whenever she wished, and he hers. They hadn’t been friends, not really, but the nature of their…association had provided them that privilege. While things had changed, he was King, she still had been allowed to enter his chambers whenever she wanted to. 

But things _had_ changed. Since his coronation things had only gotten more confusing. When before he had been a prince and she a duchess, trying to lead a new land, the undefined nature of their relationship was acceptable. But now he was King and she did not know where their relationship stood anymore. But she was here to find out. 

Duchess pushed open the doors and walked in. Her anxiety flared up as she took in the room; the windows were shut and the drapes barely opened on any of the windows. He was in a foul mood. She had learned a decade ago how to read his mood based on his surroundings, his attire. It had helped her play the court and play him. Now it helped her delegate what tasks and meetings she removed from his schedule for the day. 

None the less, she had used one of her last teas on this encounter and she would not waste it because he was in a nasty mood. She never shied away from him before and she wouldn’t start now. 

“Duchess” Jack stated, head looking up from his papers to see who entered, a small smile appearing on the corner of his mouth

“Jack” she replied warmly, smiling back. 

Nodding to the papers she asked, “what are you working on?”

“Oh, the damned issues regarding the lands in the North. Delegations from the Outer Zone and the Enchanted Forest are coming in next week to officially begin negotiations, but there’s been some unofficial backroom dealing already and I can already see next week being a nightmare.” He threw the papers down harshly onto his desk in frustration, and rubbed his hands on his face. 

“After so many decades of mismanagement and neglect it’s a bureaucratic nightmare as to who actually has claim to the land. And then there’s the issues surrounding cleanup and restoration – who is responsible for that.” Jack continued on. 

Duchess started perusing the documents on his desk while he talked. Maps, contracts and newly drafted ‘negotiation’ maps were the bulk of it, but so were there profiles of all the major delegates coming to the summit. 

She felt Jack come up close beside her and place a gentle hand on her lower back, “see,” he said, gesturing to the pile, “it’s a mess. There’s no way we can get Adora and Regina in the same room without them killing each other.” 

“You should bring in Wendy.” Duchess suggested. 

At his questioning look, Duchess continued “Darling. Wendy Darling. She’s a fantastic negotiator. She handled the situation a while back with the Crocs and the Pannings. Ended smoothly enough. And I think Charlie is sweet on her” she added with a wink. 

“Oh well in that case…. But it’s probably a good idea to bring her. Would you arrange that please” he requested. 

Duchess nodded and then continued to look at the documents, but not really, she was enjoying the small lazy circles Jack was rubbing onto her back and in contradiction to the tea she took, she wanted to delay this conversation as long as possible.

When he started placing little kisses on her neck, she knew she had to stop him. They needed to have this conversation now before she let them get distracted by other...activities and her tea wore off. 

“Jack” she said, turning around to face him. 

She looked up into his worried face, “we have to talk.”

He sighed and leaned back against the desk, arms folding across his chest. “About what?” he asked, but Duchess could tell from the expression on his face that he already knew what she was going to say.

“This. Us.” Duchess started, her eyes focused on a spot on his forehead, unable to look him directly in the eye. “What are we?”

Jack took his time before he said anything. She watched the way he tried to control his body language so he conveyed nothing; but she’d long ago learned how to read even the smallest detail. She watched as his hands clenched ever so slightly, as his jaw set and stayed firm, the way his lips pursed and his entire body became motionless. This conversation was not going to go well. 

“I don’t know” he replied shortly. 

She didn’t know what he’d say, but that really wasn’t it. “Me either” she replied. 

“I enjoy the way things are” he continued. 

“I’ve enjoyed them too….but I’m a little confused.” she was nervous to add the last bit, unsure of how it would sound. 

“Meaning your wondering why I haven’t made you a Queen yet.” 

Duchess flinched at his tone; it was the same tone he took when he was dealing with arrogant morons from the city who thought they could play the young prince, use him as a game piece. 

“You know that’s not what I mean” she said, exasperated with him.

“That’s what you want though right, power? A title?” 

“Jack, I want you. And yes, a title would be nice – I’ve earned it. And besides, I’m pretty much the Queen in all but title. We share everything; duties, responsibility, bed chambers. Its not wrong of me to want equality between us” 

“You _want_ me. Ha! You’ve been on the teas for so long you don’t even know what love is. You’re on one right now – I can tell. You don’t think that after twenty years I know these things about you. You might be an expert on me, but _darling_ I am just as much of an expert on you.”

She stared at him, shocked that such a small amount of tea was that noticeable. She suddenly felt ashamed; that she wasn’t able to face this without it and that she’d kept a few vials after the purge. 

“Well I needed the extra courage. You are not an easy man to talk to about matters such as these. And what, like I’m the only one who has broken trust. What about _her_. Do you know how much that hurt me Jack? I was always here for you. Always in your corner. And you threw me away like I was one of your teas! And all for some Oyster.” she yelled back. She was usually pretty contained and evenly spoken, but when she was pushed into a corner or attacked the venomous snake within her would always fight back. She could give as much as she could take. 

“Did you think she knew you better? Saw the ‘real’ you? Did you think you could be yourself with her?” she fired off. This issue had been ignored too long, her thoughts and anger festering for well over a year; and now they were breaking free.

“Well you were wrong. She didn’t know a thing about you – and when she learned who you really were, where you come from, the type of man you are; she went running. Did you think you could deceive her and yourself forever?! It was ridiculous Jack. And it made me look like a fool.

“Are you just going to continue denying me a title yet have me do the job until you find someone more _suitable_ to your liking.” she challenged.

He was silent for a long while; the fight not gone from him as his body was still taught with aggression. But his eyes were cast onto the floor, his face unreadable. The silence dragged on for too long. 

“You know what they whisper about me.” Duchess said, her tone calm and quiet now; she felt exhausted.

“What, that you are the King’s whore or that you are the next Red Queen?” Jack spat, his politically neutral face on; reigniting the fight. 

Duchess balked. She felt like she had been smacked across the face. She’d forgotten how cruel he could be when he wanted to be, how he was his mother’s son after all. 

“Not anymore _Your Highness_ ” Duchess replied, vitriolic emphasis put on his title, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. 

“They love me. _I_ make you look better. They see a pampered prince who is trying to be better than his mother, but they worry you will be just.like.her. I. _I_ am a survivor.” 

She was yelling now, but she didn’t care, his face still passive as ice. “They see me as someone who, like them, was forced to do things because of _her_. Someone who, now that is free, is trying to be a better person.”

She was standing in front of him now, literally going toe-to-toe with him. She didn’t fear him, didn’t fear what his power could do to her. And he knew it. “They don’t even know you Jack. You stay here in this ivory tower of cards while I’m out there talking to _your_ people. Hearing their stories, meeting their children.” She poked his chest for emphasis. 

“And if that is what you really think of this” she said, motioning her hand between them “of us. Then fine. But find another _”whore”_ to keep you company. I’m done.” 

She turned to walk out of his chambers, her head held high using the last of her courage tea to keep herself from crying. 

“Oh, one last thing.” Duchess said, turning back towards him “you got the colour wrong. They don’t whisper Red….they whisper White.” And with that she walked out, not looking back again but taking pleasure in the look of confusion that last statement brought to his face. 

/////////

 

It had been almost a week since their fight. She wasn’t shocked he could give her the cold shoulder for this long, he was a Heart after all – emotions were their currency. They’d conducted business as usual; despite the implosion of their relationship they still had a country to run. The land negotiations were set to begin tomorrow and delegates from the Enchanted Forest and the Outer Zone were beginning to arrive. Duchess had arranged for Wendy to arrive a few days ago, to familiarize herself with the situation as well as spend a few days as their welcomed guest in the castle. 

Duchess was prepared for the negotiations and she felt optimistic about them; political discussion was her forte and she’d discovered recently that she had a knack for conflict resolution. Except when it came to her personal life. 

She was determined to keep their personal issues private; her and Jack were leading the negotiations and they needed to give off the appearance of a united front. The irony was not lost on her; they were fighting about her lack of title and yet here she was, acting as Queen for an international summit meeting. Queens Aurora and Regina would receive her, as Queen and she would be treated thusly by the rest of the guests. It frustrated Duchess that even after everything Jack expected her to just do the job. 

She was in her dressing room preparing for the welcoming dinner when there was a knock on her door. “Enter.” Seated at her dresser, she watched in the mirror as an impeccably dressed Jack came towards her. 

“Jack” Duchess said. She never called him Your Highness and she wasn’t about to start now, regardless of what transpired. 

“Duchess” he said simply.

She wasn’t going to make this easier on him, so she continued with her makeup. 

“Why is your name Duchess anyways? It’s a rather silly name. It’s a title not a name.” Jack pondered aloud.

She gave him an incredulous look from the mirror and debated just ignoring his obvious attempt at delay, “my mother thought it was ‘charming’ and might “bode well for my future”” she threw her voice in an imitation of her mothers. “Plus, this _is_ Wonderland – my name, as ridiculous as it is, is not the weirdest thing around.”

Jack laughed uncomfortably, “yes, I suppose that’s true”. 

The silence resumed and Duchess watched as Jack tried to distract himself by examining the various things in her dressing room. He never did this, he was never one to lollygag about. He was always direct and to the point. 

She sighed in frustration. If she let this go on at his speed, they’d be late for their own dinner. “Jack, what do you want.” It was more of a statement than a question. 

He cleared his throat and came over to where she was seated – their eyes meeting in the reflection in the mirror. “I … I came to apologize” 

Duchess turned around on her settee to face him, an expectant look on her face, waiting for more. 

“I’m sorry for the things I said to you, for the way I treated you” he continued. He was clearly uncomfortable, unused to having to apologize, and that was what she enjoyed the most. 

“Well a girl does love being called a whore” she replied, the hurt still audible in her voice. 

He flinched at her words, “I’m sorry. I had no right saying it. That’s not what you are to me. That’s not what _this_ is.” He sat down next to her on the settee, close but not close enough that they were touching.

“And what is ‘this’ Jack? That’s all I wanted to know. I don’t expect some grand gesture or a crown; I just want to know what I am to you. I know how I feel about you. Am I just a placeholder until you find someone else? Someone you can love? Cause if that is the case, I have the right to know.” she replied, nervous; her heart pounding in her chest. 

The conversation was going surprisingly well. They were both calm and Duchess was shocked at how much she could handle. 

“You are someone I can love” Jack whispered after a while. 

Duchess didn’t say anything, a bit unsure that she heard him correctly. 

“I mean I do. Love you that is. Emotions; they are so difficult. It’s a challenge everyday.” he reached out to grab her hand, lightly touching it.

“I know what you mean” she admitted

“I enjoy your company and you understand me. I trust you and I know you support me. I love how you challenge me and how you have such a politically savvy mind. So, I think that is love. I’m sad when you’re not around and the past few days have been awful. And I know that I depend on you a lot. Like this conference, I know you pretty much planned the entire thing and have set the negotiation schedule. I’ve depended on you to help me run Wonderland and given you nothing back in return. I don’t want you to feel as if I’ve taken you for granted” Jack said in a rush, like his thoughts were mashed together. 

Heart melting, Duchess brought a hand up to cup his cheek and smiled when he leaned into her touch. “That’s all I needed to know Jack”

“I like that you depend on me, it makes me feel useful. And I enjoy helping you run Wonderland; I like politics and committee meetings. Wonderland is undergoing a huge change and I’m excited that I get to be a part of it…

“…with you. You’re someone I can love too.”

Jack reached out and drew Duchess's hand into his own, holding it close. "I promise we'll figure it out. I know what they whisper and I know I owe you some answers. After the conference?"

She nodded and leaned forward to give him a light kiss on the lips. "After the conference" she confirmed. 

He smiled, enjoying the feeling of just being with her. He knew he'd found his queen.


End file.
